'They're Driving Me Nuts!': Surviving Quarantine Together

We are all experiencing heightened stress and uncertainty right now. As an adaptive response to threat, anxiety can make us less flexible in our thinking and more sensitive to our environment. With fewer emotional reserves, the things that trigger us and the way we’re reacting may be different. The way your partner chews may have never bothered you before, but suddenly it’s driving you nuts. Small, minute mannerisms become magnified and our response to them equally disproportionate. This unconscious way of releasing stress, however, can be damaging to relationships and only compound tension. Not a good scenario when we’re confined to share space for the foreseeable future.

So what's the remedy? As with most things in life, change begins with acknowledgment. Recognizing our temptation to nitpick and taking a moment to consider where that inclination is coming from empowers us to reclaim power over our emotions and behavior. Often, we’ll find that our annoyance or frustration is actually less about our partner and more about what’s going on with us internally. Practicing enhanced kindness is critical right now; both to ourselves and those around us.

Another thing to keep in mind is that everyone copes with stress differently. This is a very unique situation. The degree of emotional distress, as well as the way your partner is managing his/her feelings, may deviate from their normal baseline behavior. Your usually laid-back significant other might begin to act controlling in a way you haven’t witnessed before. This is when clear, open communication is key. Instead of being dismissive of your feelings, it might be that talking about fear and ‘what ifs’ brings up more anxiety for them. Expressing your emotional needs, fears, and vulnerabilities lends itself to deeper understanding and allows you to better support each other.

As a final note, and I know I’m hammering this one home, but maintaining intimacy is more important now than ever. Sitting around in sweatpants all day may not invoke the most burning sensual desire, but make it a priority. Light some candles in the living room, turn on some Jamiroquai, order Eaze; whatever works for you. Staying physically connected eases stress, boosts immunity, relieves chronic pain, enhances sleep, and improves mood. Need I say more? Looking for a break from Netflix and chilling? Check this out for some quarantine-approved at-home date night ideas.

I’d love to hear what’s coming up for you right now.

Questions? Feedback? Thoughts?

Let’s connect.

Xo

Kate