Relationship Tips for Surviving Quarantine (& Beyond)

What day is it?

Did I shower yesterday?

Life as we know it has changed. For many, this meant becoming a homeschool teacher overnight. For others, it’s simultaneously juggling working from home while navigating the challenges of running and maintaining a household. No matter what your situation, it’s easy for our relationship and intimacy to take a back seat during this ‘new normal.’

Below are five strategies to help your relationship THRIVE during quarantine.

Create sacred rituals to meet and close each day.

Research has shown that the way we transition, that is the way we shift between consciousness and unconsciousness, has significant consequences for our mental and physical health. Similarly, incorporating night and morning routines help to ‘anchor’ your days together can help improve the health of your relationship.

Make it simple to start and commit to one week. You can build from there, if you want.

My partner and I begin each day with one thing we love about each other. Sharing words of affection feels good, diffuses tension, and diminishes defensiveness.

Each night, we close the evening with one thing that made us happy that day. Focusing energy on things that are going ‘right’ helps boot up a positivity and gratitude mindset, which is good for mental health.

What rituals work for you?

Let the fucking dishes go.

In my experience, you can have intimacy or you can have control. The two do not coexist well. Staying at home more means a whole lot more housework (amirite? Do the dishes never seem to end??). Suddenly, there is greater sharing in the burden of household tasks.

If your partner is doing the dishes, does it really matter how they load the dishwasher? Is what you’ll gain from the ‘right’ order worth the erosion of intimacy, playfulness, fun?

This is one lesson in choosing your battles. If he’s doing the dishes, great. LET HIM.

If she’s doing the laundry, phenomenal. No need to get bent out of shape about how your shirts are folded.

Before correcting your partner, ask yourself the following:

Is the trade out worth it?

What’s my ROI?

Is it worth the intimacy it costs me to try to control this task/situation?

Probably not. Let the fucking dishes go.

Communicate requests and needs lovingly.

When our relationship is doing well, being cooped up can magnify even the smallest grievances. Compound being on top of each other with career stresses, financial uncertainty, and a break or absence in routine and things can get ugly, fast.

This is where exercising healthy communication is CRITICAL. I have an entire course devoted to this subject, but below are some essential principals:

• Take ownership of your feelings by replacing ‘you’ with how it makes you feel or what you desire instead.

• Avoid any communication that can be perceived as criticism

• Focus on the end result, not the “how”

  • Ask: what is it that I want? What’s important here?

• Re-think using ‘you’ altogether...

Which brings us to the next point...

Focus on YOUR mat.

I remember my first time doing yoga. I unwittingly signed up for a moderately advanced 90-minute class at a swanky studio in Santa Monica. The room was packed-full with ridiculously good-looking people and about one thousand degrees. My eyes frantically scanned the room of fit, sexy bodies gliding effortlessly as I flopped around on my mat, trying to catch my breath and not fall onto the person next to me.

“FOCUS ON YOUR OWN MAT” the instructor shout-whispered as he passed by. I obliged. What I discovered was that when I paid attention to my own breathing, body, and listened, something magical happened. I too, started gliding through the moves.

I’ve found the same to be true when for most things in life. We can’t control what’s going on around us. How our partner, kids, sister, neighbors are going to behave, react. What we can do is manage our responses, our attitude, our actions.

Take accountability for your own happiness by doing what makes YOU happy!

When we fill up our emotional and energetic tank, we can operate from a more balanced, joyful place.

Speaking of pleasure. Make sex and self-pleasure a priority.

Not in the mood? Too much to do? Stressed? Exhausted?

Sex might just be the answer. Not only has it been shown to lower cortisol levels and blood pressure, both of which are related to stress-regulation, it is also linked to improved immune function. Talk about something we can all benefit from right now. Oh, and it also reduces anxiety, boots mood-enhancing neurotransmitters and releases those involved with intimacy and bonding.

Have you ever finished in the bedroom and thought ‘gee, that was a terrible idea”?

I reckon probably not.

Questions, thoughts, feedback?

I’d love to hear from you!

Connect@katemcqueenla.com